"For what I am doing, I do not understand.
For what I will to do, that I do not practice,
but what I hate, that I do." - (Romans 7:15)
This morning I got on the scale fully expecting to have lost some weight after all the prepping and cleansing I had done for yesterday's colonoscopy and discovered, instead, that I have actually gained 1.5 lbs. And why should that surprise me, considering the shameful binge I went on the day before the prep, and then again when I got home from the procedure, rationalizing that I would get back on track today. What was I thinking?
Now I'm sitting here reminiscing, as I write to you, and realizing that all my ailments--without exception--have been a direct result of my own failure to take proper care of this one body I was entrusted with. I have done it to myself, and even worse, to the temple of your Holy Spirit who dwells in me (1 Cor. 6:19). And so, again, for the umpteenth time, I repent, and pray that you would help me stand strong in the face of temptation, and glorify you by being obedient to your Word so you can work through me in ways that a watching world can see.
I thank you for your mercy and grace, for your unconditional love despite my repeated failures, and that I am still special in your sight. I am grateful beyond words for your compassion and that you never, ever give up on me--even when I'm ready to give up on myself.
Sometimes I think I'm getting way too old for this work in progress thing, but I know that's just another lie of the enemy. With You, it is never too late, and we are never too far gone or beyond forgiveness. So once again, I pick myself up, and holding on to the image of that great crowd of witnesses in the heavenlies watching me run my race and cheering me on (Hebrews 12:1), step up to the plate. Please help me to make it this time around. I cannot do it without you.