Just checking in

I can't remember the pin number to my weight thingie down at the bottom so that I can update it. I am down another 2 pounds as of this morning. That makes a total of 32 now, which is great! I am well pleased. The Mr's PA where I work said to me yesterday that I look like I am melting away. Not bad, not bad.

I shall be challenged today though, because I have just spent all night packing with my boss, so I will be very tired, and I find that when I am tired I just can't seem to concentrate on much, although to be honest the last few times haven't been like they were in the past. IN the past, after an all night packing session, I seemed to want to munch the whole day. Last few times though I have been able to keep it down to a dull roar!!

The thing I have struggled with the most is fitting in exercise. With a full time job and most of my hours being split shift, I find that I am having a really hard time fitting much in. I do try to walk most days, but now the nights are drawing in and I don't get home most days until it is dark. I dug out my old Richard Simmons Aerobics video and I have managed to get that in a couple of mornings a week, but it is a real stretch to fit it in. I find I usually have to give up something else in order to do it.

I have never been much of an exerciser really. That's been one of my biggest challenges, but I do find that I now look forward to my walks and enjoy them when I am on them, which is a totally new experience!

I have done aerobics classes in the past. When I was younger I used to do one down at the local school and I used to jog there and jog home. Mind you I was some 25 years younger then! I can't see me jogging much these days! But then again, you never know. One of my daughters is a marathon runner and an Ultimate Frisbee Nut. The other one is a Special Olympics World Gold Medalist in Cross Country Skiing. My youngest son is a hockey and soccer player extraordinaire. In fact he coaches both now. My other two sons are kinda like me, armchair atheletes. That's not the way it has to be though and if there's one thing that this whole process has taught me, it's this . . . Move Your Body!

I've been doing really well though. Anyone who reads my other blogs knows and sees all the lovely food I cook, and that's just at home. I cook even more lovely stuff at work. I am really enjoying the freedom this whole new way of living has afforded me. I no longer feel as a slave to my appetites. My love of food no longer controls me. I now control it and that is very empowering indeed!

Angie is coming to visit me with her husband on Sunday and I am planning a slap up Sunday Lunch, which of course Angie and I will pick at and our husbands will devour. One thing I am sure of though is we shall enjoy every nibble and what's more it will be so good to finally meet in person!!!

Must get myself to bed now. It's gone 6 am and I shall turn into a punkin soon!

Keep Your Body Moving

Yesterday was such a fine day that Todd and I took ourselves on a long, and brisk walk across the orchards and through the fields. I had to keep reminding Todd to stride out as he was wont to amble and I really wanted the exercise.

I can't believe I just said that . . . I really wanted the exercise. That doesn't sound like me very much, or at least the me of a year ago. I actually crave exercise now and I enjoy it when I am doing it.

I recently dug out my old Richard Simmons Exercise videos . . . "Sweating to the Oldies" and "Disco Sweat." Corny I know, but they are fun and I can fit them into my schedule.

Because of the long hours I work, it is hard to fit in going to the gym or to an exercise class, and with these videos I can fit some exercise into my own time, even if it's only 15 minutes here or there. I also have dance videos that are a lot of fun, and I have a treadmill up in our bedroom which is not so much fun.

Exercise is a very important part of the program. Even if you are not at the point where you can be very mobile, or even if you are like Angie, confined to a wheelchair. You can always move your body in some way and every little helps. Even if it is just to sit there and lift your legs up and down , or to wave your arms around. All movement is exercise and valuable in it's own right.

My father has just been diagnosed with Type 2 Diabetes. I know this is because he is overweight and has been so for most of his adult life. My Aunt Freda was diagnosed with this as well before she passed away. I don't want this to be me in another 10 years time. That's why it's so important that I lose the weight now.

It's hard when you work with food for a living as I do. I get to cook beautiful food all the time, using the finest ingredients. It all smells lovely, looks lovely and I'm afraid . . . tastes lovely. The hypnosis has really helped with that though. Because I have now trained myself to only eat when I am hungry and only eat until I am satisfied, I am able to control myself, which I couldn't before. Yes, I do taste. I have to. It's part of my job, but I am happy just with a taste and I don't have to eat any of it. In fact I have known myself to spit out the taste.

I often ask myself . . . when I am tempted, and believe me I am from time to time . . . do I really want that, or . . . am I really thirsty . . . or would I rather save the calories for something that will actually be good for my body, like an apple or a yoghurt when I get home from work??? I am happy to say that 9 times out of 10 the apple or yoghurt win out, and for the other one time when they don't????

Well, I don't beat myself up about it. Nobody's perfect. ☺

Early Morning Thoughts

It's quarter to three in the morning and I can't sleep. I've been awake with a headache for most of the night. I hate it when that happens, especially when I know I have important stuff to do in the morning. I've struggled with insomnia for most of my adult life. I believe it must be heriditary as I have seen my father struggle with the same thing. It can be very frustrating. Most nights I have a difficult time sitting through any program longer than half an hour on the telly, as I am falling asleep during them . . . and then I get into bed and as soon as the lights go out . . . bingo! I'm awake. It's hard to turn off your brain sometimes, but most especially when you've been working until late in the evening, which was the case for me last night.

Watching what I eat becomes harder when I am tired, or at least it always has done. It has always seemed like my control and willpower completely disappear when my brain is operating on half power. Normally, when I am really tired, such as when I occasionally work all night, the next day I could eat for England . . . devouring unconciously anything that falls within my radar. I have noticed though, since I have been doing the hypno-therapy this hasn't really been a problem. I've had to work all night several times and each time I have been able to keep the munchies to a minumum the next day, which is really and truly amazing to me.

I had posted several before and now pictures on my other page and thought it would be fun to post them here.




This is me, probably a good year and a half ago. At the largest I have ever been. I gave this the title of "Yuck." I have always hated having my picture taken, and this is one of my least favourites ever. One of the missionaries that we frequently have to dinner wanted to take a picture of Todd and myself for his memory album. I was less than thrilled, but you'd never know it from the photo. Laughing on the outside, but secretly cringing on the inside. But that's the old me . . .



This is one taken just last week. I look quite a bit smaller than in the first one, although to be sure I still have a long ways to go. I think this is the first picture I've allowed to be taken of me in years that I haven't inwardly cringed while it's been taken. My clothes are getting quite a bit looser, but I haven't gone to the expense of buying any new ones yet. Like I said . . . I still have quite a ways to go and I will wait a few more sizes before I buy anything new. That blouse is quite new though, or at least it is a newer one that I bought a few years back and was never able to wear. When I did put it on last week, it was loose. I thought I better get some use out of it before it was too late!

My maternal grandmother was a very large woman. There are very few pictures of her in existance. She hated having her picture taken and so only very rarely was anyone able to capture her image. Kind of sad really. I know how she must have felt. I also know how I feel as her grand-daughter and how much I would love to have a picture of her that I could look at and love. It doesn't matter to me that she was large in stature. I love her anyways and when I get to the other side I shall tell her so . . . she died of cancer when I was around 5 years old. I had always been her favourite grandchild, and I miss her still.

One of the things that this therapy program has been really helpful with is with learning to be more accepting of myself, fat or thin. I think that probably we are always our own worst critics when it comes to things like that, and I have always been really harsh on myself . . . could barely look at myself in the mirror a lot of the time. Even when I was thin, I never really felt pretty. That probably has a lot to do with having been married to an emotionally and mentally abusive man. It was his purpose in life to make me feel useless and unattractive. I wish I'd known then what I know now.

I'm rather beautifully created I think . . . and it's all natural!

Friday 4th September 2009

Only a loss of 1 lb this time but at least it's in the right direction.  That makes 1st 8 lbs since the end of April - not vast but steady (very!) and I have been a bit naughty.  Well, nobody said I had to be a saint did they?  I am a little demon when it comes to uncooked cake mixture and I hereby own up to having wilfully made sure the mixing bowl was amply supplied with "licks".  Hey, while we're 'fessing up let's be totally honest eh? ............

Last Sunday I had a not huge portion of plum and Grand Marnier crumble with custard.

I also had a couple of roast spuds and a Yorkshire Pudding.  Well, two.

Two packets of crisps went missing from the cupboard.  Prime suspect :  me!

Gosh, I did enjoy every single "cheat" (if you want to call it that).  They were worth only losing one pound for.  I prefer not to call it cheating;  I think it's as much a part of listening to my body as stopping eating when I'm full.  I needed goodies, had them, paid a small price and now I can take up as before.  Yyyyeessss!!

Angie, xx