It is hard to believe now that I have not spent my whole life eating the way I do now, but the mirror and the scales tell a different story. Never mind, I am on track now and the future looks very bright indeed. I have lost a total of 21 pounds now and it has been relatively painless. My food tastes better than it has in years. I am enjoying every mouthful. I probably haven't enjoyed food this much since I was a child. I am also eating whatever I want to eat . . . amazingly enough though the things I used to love (or thought I did) are not nearly as tasty now, and to be perfectly honest I don't miss them one bit. I crave exercise. I know! That sounds mad doesn't it??? I actually feel like something is missing from my day unless I get at least half an hour of exercise in. I cook for a living, and I cook beautiful food, but I have no desire to eat any of it . . . none of the cookies and cakes, or anything else. I also cook lovely things at home for my husband . . . but they too have lost a lot of their savour for me. I am getting more pleasure out of cooking them and looking at them. I do taste at home, after all I do have to eat . . . but I am now able to control myself and leave it at a taste. I would say that the portions on my plate have reduced themselves by probably 2/3. I was eating way too much and snacking far too much inbetween meals. I bet I ate almost constantly, a smidgen here and a smidgen there. But it all added up. I'm quite proud of myself and I have to say honestly I can live with this forever.
But . . . there is still a little part of me that is afraid that all of a sudden the old me will jump out and bite me in the arse and I'll forget all that I have learned and worked so hard to attain. Will this fear ever go away? Or maybe this is healthy. Maybe I should not be too confident? Or is that my old insecurities speaking??
I listen to my cd every morning before I eat breakfast. I listen to the rules I have on my ipod at work every day, several times, just to reinforce things. My clothes are definitely getting looser and I am looking forward to the day I feel confident enough to go out and buy some new ones, but not just yet . . . I have a long ways to go and I don't want to waste money on new clothes until I am in desperate need for them! At least two of three sizes down please!
My mom is proud of me. That makes me feel pretty good. I have always wanted her to be proud of me, and always somehow felt a bit like a failure, despite all the good things I have done. When I go home to Canada next year, they will all see a new me and I will enjoy showing myself off. Is that bad? I dunno, but it's something I am looking forward to anyways!
I am so proud of Angie. Despite being chairbound she is doing so well and I applaud her for it. I know how difficult it must be. She spurs me on and inspires me. Did you hear that Angie? YOU INSPIRE ME! There I said it. Now I must dash and get ready for work. xxoo
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Help with panic attacks, work and relationship problems, depression, lack of confidence, confusion, life choices.
Margaret Hunn, DIP EHP NLP MCRAH
What's that Minerva - I inspire YOU???? I don't believe it's a bad thing wanting to kind of 'show off' around people who might remember you best as the fat girl. We are told after all not to hide our light under a bushel. You've done brilliantly well so far; imagine what you can do in a few more months.
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean when you say you are just a tiny bit afraid that you might slip back to your old ways. I don't think so. That's what happens to 'dieters'who, at some stage, percieve that having reached their target they can revert to normal eating again. But because they didn't bother to educate themselves in a new 'normal', they start to get fat again. And so it goes on - the dreaded Yo-Yo effect. Not for you. Not now.
We both, you and I, are eating like thin people eat. We are hardly even aware now that there are any rules to follow, let alone that we follow them daily, 4 little rules!