An Epiphany

I had somewhat of an epiphany today. I had my session with Margaret and I expressed to her something that I have been feeling this past week or so. I have been doing really well. I am holding to the rules and I am losing weight, and it's been absolutely painless. I haven't missed anything and I don't feel deprived at all. It's pretty amazing, but still . . . inside I have held on to this little niggling fear that all of a sudden this might stop working, and that I will wake up one morning and the whole plan will be out the window and that all of a sudden I will want to be eating and eating and eating and that will be it . . . I'll be back to my former ways and gain back all the weight that I have lost. (23 pounds to this point folks, yes 23 Pounds!!!) I suppose realistically that is a fear that anyone would have at one point. How many diets have I been on in my lifetime, and how many diets have I gone off of in my lifetime and felt a total failure at. Well, they come to the same amount and totally are in my face every time I look in the mirror . . . I have had a bit of an afraid of failure mentality these past few weeks and today I stared it in the face. I came to realize that ( and here is the biggie, the ephiphany as it were) if I can't trust myself, then how can anybody trust me. I have to have faith in my self if I can ever expect anyone else to. And yes, perhaps I will have a bad day once in a while, but that is not the end of the world, or the end of my success, it's not even a failure . . . it just means that I chalk it up to having been a bad day and I put it behind me and I continue to move forward. I don't have to be perfect. A blip in the road, doesn't mean the end of the road. It doesn't matter if the road I take to my goal is totally straight (which road in life is ever totally straight?) it only matters that I keep heading in the right direction. I did not get fat overnight, and I will not be thin overnight. It doesn't matter if it takes 1 year, or 2 years or even longer than that to reach my goal. It only matters that I keep heading towards it. After all, life is an amazing journey. This is only a part of it. Success is in the perception and from where I'm standing, any step towards freedom from the chains of food obsession is a step in the right direction, whether it be a baby step, or a giant step . . . just keep moving forward, no matter what, and I'll get there in the end. ☺☺☺☺☺ (Yes, I'm smiling!) I will continue to celebrate my progress and accept it for exactly what it is. Hot damn! I'm a winner!